It’s hard to believe so much has happened since my last update. And though it hasn’t resulted in meeting our baby just yet, I have to find the grace to remind myself that each step in this process is an important one in what will be a beautiful journey.
First of all, Tyler and I have submitted our application – all 5o or so total pages! That was the most incredible and exciting feeling thus far in this process, knowing that we had completed the application to become parents. Tyler and I discussed later how it’s the first time we’ve fully been able to embrace our hopes and dreams for parenthood. Those feelings are no longer dictated by a monthly pregnancy test. We are no longer having to daily walk that line between doubt and disappointment and what seemed like a very distant sense of hope.
Our application was received and the processing began. Our next step was to schedule our home study with Kathie, our adoption consultant here in town. We had installed the smoke detectors, the new screen for the hot water heater, a new gun safe (which resulted in a major spring cleaning and purging project), and yet I still didn’t know how I’d feel ready enough to have someone in our home to evaluate if we and our home were fit for a child.
The home study certainly brings up a lot of interesting feelings – insecurity about any unfinished projects around the house, anxiety about being prepared to answer personal questions both individually and as a couple, and once more, that unfair feeling of why this is a necessary step for us to become parents.
Regardless, we prepared our hearts and our home and greeted Kathie on Friday afternoon. We gave her a tour of the entire house, opening closet doors and sharing with her all of the improvements we’ve made. We walked through the backyard and I prayed incessantly that our sweet Annie would not jump on and knock her over. Kathie interviewed me first individually, asking about my family, my childhood, my values and my hopes for being a mom. Tyler took his turn next and I must admit it was very special sitting in the other room (and picking up only every other word), but as Tyler was sharing his entire story, I was overcome with a tremendous sense of love for Tyler, for the man he is and the incredible father he already is. His interview was followed by a discussion with us as a couple, about our marriage, how we resolve conflict, our spirituality and how we plan to raise children with strong values and character.
At the end of the home study, Kathie let us know we passed and did a great job. We closed the door with a huge sense of relief and excitement! One more step down.
We headed off for a weekend of fun in what felt like forever, having reserved several weekends for projects to prepare our house for the home study. We met up with some of our dearest friends in Austin who put together the most beautiful dinner party in celebration, complete with wine, delicious steaks, great conversations and late-night games. I felt extremely blessed and loved, remembering that though it seems hard and unfair, God is taking care of and loving us well each step along the way. He is allowing us to lean on and be loved on by others. He is giving us exactly what we need and He is fulfilling His promises.